Like most singles you have probably been dating for a while. In the quagmire of the dating world it can seem that there are just lots of Mr. and Miss Wrong’s and no “Ideal Partner,” one who you would consider perfectly suited to your personality, likes and dislikes and overall worldview.
Depending on the situation, looking for an ideal partner can seem to be a lifelong journey. It takes a long time to decide on a partner and to get a feel as to if a certain person is fully compatible and suits your fancy. Looking for someone you consider as “the-best-among-the-rest” individual who will forever be by your side in a long-term relationship is not a process to take lightly.
What do you really Want?
Before you begin on this quest of finding your ideal partner and take that dangerous dive into the online dating pool, maybe it is best to first discern what you really want. Do you want a lifetime partner or are you simply looking for a dating partner that will essentially be a fun and fantasy mate for a while? An ideal lifetime partner and ideal dating partner may have some things in common but you may have much lower expectations of someone you are simply looking to have a good time with.
So, you want Mr. or Miss Perfect Huh?
People will many times say “I want to have an ideal partner who is smart, beautiful, sexy, sweet, caring, loving… etc.” Come on, enough of that! You may have an ambitious list of positive traits in hand but how realistic are you being? Whether you’re looking for superior physical attributes or not, can you really find a person that has it all going on like that? Remember that everyone has issues and flaws as you look beneath the surface, and each person is a unique and complex human being. All have a varied mixture of good and bad behaviors and traits. If you think you can find Mr. or Miss. Perfect, then good luck! You may set extremely high standards when looking for a partner, but setting too high a goal for your ideal partner causes you to step away from reality and sometimes towards irrational idealism. Sometimes that ideal partner you are expecting might not be the one you think is so ideally matched to your high standards!
Strive for Character and Maturity
While the reasons we fall in love are often a mystery, the reasons we stay in love are far less elusive. There may be no such animal as a perfect partner, but an ideal partner quite possibly may be found in someone who has developed their character in certain ways that go beyond physical looks, charms and accomplishments. Although we each seem to search for a precise set of qualities that are most significant to us alone, there are certain psychological characteristics and character traits both you and your partner can strive for to help make a beginning relationship become a lifelong success.
Fear and Skepticism
The main problem most individuals have in looking for their ideal partner is that most don’t know where to begin and how to start looking for a partner. People tend to be skeptical nowadays due to doubts of success in a relationship. Many times individuals are afraid a partnership will fail and they will end up getting hurt or worse yet, the relationship may lead to marriage ending in divorce. Partner seekers many times have these ingrained fears in regards to finding a so called ideal partner when the specter of failure adds to repeated disappointment.
Know yourself First
You can be your own worst enemy. You must continually make an effort to understand and ultimately confront yourself. Most individuals find it easiest to deny their potentially bad character traits, rather than make a concerted effort to actually confront and understand their issues. If you are not mature enough to take this first step, you might end up having a certain time period where you have an initial good time with your partner, then find that you and your partner eventually end up in a miserable path of severe misunderstandings leading to relationship destruction. How do you expect to grow in understanding of each other if you first don’t understand yourself?
List down all your strengths & weaknesses, traits, wants and behaviors whether good or bad qualities, it doesn’t matter. What you are, and the more you know about yourself reflect on how you deal with another’s multitude of personality traits. Once again, how can you expect to know someone thoroughly when you don’t know who you are first? Then make a proclamation of change for the better. As you become aware of those negative traits rearing their ugly head, stop for a moment and ask yourself, is this a positive or negative trait?
Remove Unsolved Emotional Burdens
The past is the past, and we tend to think the past is left somewhere in the abyss of years gone by, but many times the past causes us to react improperly as a result of the hurt and pain we’ve experienced that is hiding in our subconscious. You don’t have to bring and apply all of that hurt and pain to the present situation. Why not try to look at your past objectively and use it as a valuable lesson to correct your mistakes rather than compound them. If past relationship failed, look at the issues that can be directly attributed to you and get a handle on those and move on to an attitude of newness and increased understanding. Do not allow yourself to be stuck in those same destructive patterns you played-out with your previous partner, but rather think about what you need to do to avoid the same situations and mistakes with your new partner. This is growth! In regards to your new partner, remember, nobody is perfect, expect the worse when you start looking for an ideal person, just as your past is present in the here and now for you, the dark side of a new partner is part of their package, very-much formed up from their past also.
Engage your self-esteem because the more you’re happy being yourself, the better chance to befriend and meet more individuals that could possibly become your ideally suited partner. As part of being confident, try being yourself and communicate clearly, ask questions of others, get interested in who they are. Even though you might be naturally shy when it comes to talking about yourself, you can still ask lots of questions and become a good listener. Many individuals are happy to talk about themselves. Keep conversations going so that you can have the opportunity to dig a little deeper and get to know other individuals better in order to evaluate your compatibility. In general, the more you meet and engage individuals, confidently, the better. Do not just wait for your ideal partner to come along and walk into your life, do something, exert a little effort. Many times, casual meetings turn into relationships where there is additional interest expressed. Just a little more conversation results in increased connection.
Don’t Rush Things
Enjoy every single moment with your relationship. If you feel like this could be this person, do not try to rush things. It takes substantial time for a true, lasting relationship to form-up. If you take things slowly, you will get to know the person better and slowly learn about their character traits and accept who they are. Learning quirks and communication gaps about the individual and developing understanding will help to limit the misunderstandings in the future. If you think the individual you are considering as your ideal partner is not giving any mutual response and satisfactory interaction, learn to assess the situation and continue your search or you might find yourself trapped in unrealistic ideal partner fantasies. It may only lead to one-sided infatuation.
Get out there and Look
To start your path looking for your ideal partner, try to find him or her at a place you enjoy or at a facility that features an activity you like. Obviously, if you are a person of faith, the church is a good place. If your life is entirely focused on outdoor sports, then the tennis court or ski slopes are places to focus your search. If you are the disco queen then the dance floor is the natural location. In this manner, you will find those that have common interests and lifestyle choices. Of course, if you are both interested in the same things you will have lots to talk about as you get to know one another. Shared interests, religion or world views increase your compatibility quotient.
Know Your Partners Lifestyle Details
Know the issues surrounding your prospective life-partner’s lifestyle, friends, family history and the ways they interact with their friends and family. These issues may play a significant impact on his/her true character and hidden personality traits. Be aware of your partner’s hobbies, interests, and issues that are close to your partner’s heart. This will assist in the evaluation of their lifestyle and help in the search of your real and true ideal partner.
Opposites Attract So they Say
So how can you say a certain person is your ideal partner anyway? Be prepared for a surprise, your ideal partner may not be the one you are expecting. Worse, they could end up being the exact opposite person having the qualities that you think you are looking for. Finding an ideal partner is like finding yourself. All those high standards might end up being disregarded when you start to fall in love and build a good relationship with each other. Acceptance of plays a big part in any relationship.
Nobody is Perfect – Define your Acceptable Standards
Nobody is perfect and the acceptance of another’s character flaws or idiosyncrasies is another step towards maturity. Don’t try to change the one you love. Let them move forward on a course of self realization and discovery themselves. The one you end up calling your perfect partner may never put the toilet seat in the down position nor stop slurping their soup, but you need to ask yourself if these are issues you can live with.
A Real Ideal Partnership
Diving into a relationship is never easy. It is a long-term investment, a commitment of time, love and hard work between the two of you. At the end of the day, you share both of your successes and failures and would never break apart no matter what because you already have accepted that person as a whole. That is what a real ideal partner is.
There is a Person out there for Just about Anybody
Surely everyone is destined to be with someone. Don’t give up and don’t think there is no love in the world for you. You just have to open yourself up a little and be willing to do the hard work a relationship is truly all about. Someday your paths will cross and you will eventually end up in a positive and secure relationship if you take the risk and do the hard work a relationship requires.
A Few Questions for all You Girls and Boys
For the girls out there, let me ask you a question. Would you share your lifelong happiness with someone who is full of intrigue and excitement in the present, but you know deep within yourself that he is not going to be an ideal partner, a husband who will be irresponsible and unreliable?
And for the boys, can you maintain your patience throughout a lifelong commitment despite all of the imperfections and issues that get under your skin about your partner/wife?
Make sure you are settling down with someone who has the qualities you seek in a lifelong mate. Just because you enjoy dating someone, and they bring you temporary pleasure and excitement, does not mean you will be happy marrying them.
Having a good relationship means an emotionally happy, healthy and understanding partnership. You are looking for an emotional connection that makes you happy, and causes you to feel better about yourself while seeking companionship as you travel the pathways of life. Having an ideal partner is having someone that knows how to make your day no matter how many struggles you have. An ideal partner is someone who you can trust your feelings with, someone who allows you to be yourself and ultimately someone who you can be vulnerable with and still feel safe.
An ideal partner may be someone who has many common likes and dislikes but is surprisingly different from you in many ways. Women and men are by nature totally different creatures, so expect the unexpected. It is important the person can communicate their feelings and possess some degree of understanding about who they are as a person, while accepting and understanding your personality traits. We all need to learn to somehow enjoy and even celebrate the differences between us. In the end, each one of us is simply trying to make their way in a complex and difficult world and is a unique and beautify creature of God.